I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
