try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
