when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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