I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
