At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
