no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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