totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
