and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
