she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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