is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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