i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she smelled like a LAN party
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
