nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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