I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
