I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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