I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
