I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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