Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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