i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
