the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
pop tarts are not kleenex
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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