We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
