haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
