Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize