Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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