Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize