what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
