Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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