just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
