3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
