It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
