Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
