Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
