I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize