I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
