P.S. I can't hear my feet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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