I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
