Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina is officially offended.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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