my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
