he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
