We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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