dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
