just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
