I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
