We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
