There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
