For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
