I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize