I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
