i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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