Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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