ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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