we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
