Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
