I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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