At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
