All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
