so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
