Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
