new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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