so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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