I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
