if i died would you start the facebook group?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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