A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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