I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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