I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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