If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
