Small penises have feelings too.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
