No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
