U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
organizing the empties. That sober.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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