I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
