week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize