dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you win again, gameday.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
