I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She needs sedatives and a leash
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
