I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
