My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
