He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
