it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i barfeds in our rink
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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