Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
