i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
