no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
