Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
