you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
