His hands were made for my vagina.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
