I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
