woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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