sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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