i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
