I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
