Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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