I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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