True but thats because hes a fetus.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
