Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize