yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
