he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
