Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize