Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
