then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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