Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
