and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
