Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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