So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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