I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
