Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
