I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
