I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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