Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
