i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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