I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
