3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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