Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
