Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Randomize
