Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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