Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
