I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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