i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
