So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
