So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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