so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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