You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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