Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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