Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
