The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
