so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
