Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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